Me, Myself, and I
by platos.shore
Summary: Heaven, hell, reincarnation, possession… whatever. It all equaled the same thing: dead was not dead. Death was something else. It was… the next great adventure. I could've accepted that. I could have (with a little time and more than a bit of swearing) accepted that my deadness was not actually death. But, really, what the hell? I died a bipolar not a schizophrenic! (Self-Insert)
1. Chapter 1

1

I was well acquainted with the wonders of the human mind by the time I died. My mother had lived her life toeing the imaginary line her mind had devised between stability and sanity, doing her best to raise me and my brothers in the process. My father had spent his life poking at the depth of emotion, never really understanding it. Having inherited the imaginary line from my dearest mother, I spent most of my life pushing the limits of my understanding of how my mind worked. Books, research, news articles… I had even made up my mind that I would make a career of it. I promised myself that by the time I made it into the workforce I would be the best psychiatrist that ever existed.

At this point I have no doubt that given a little more time, I could've made it happen. I was always a rather indifferent soul in life. I never really had any passion for anything or any ambitions, so when I did manage to give a fuck about something, I was unstoppable.

But it seems I'm getting off topic. I did that in life too, even got a diagnoses of ADHD for it. The psychiatrist was kinda unsure about it at the time because I was originally in her office for Bipolar Disorder, but even a good 13 years later those four letters stayed on my medical chart. I'd hate to see what my chart looks like now. It's possible that it doesn't look like anything, maybe the doctors throw them out after you die, but I'm pretty sure it's still there. Given the sheer amount of paperwork I'd been forced to sign whilst still alive I refuse to believe that it could thrown out so _easily._

But the point is that I'm dead.

Well, that's not the _entire_ point, but that hornet's nest is still being poked at. Thoroughly. With pain. And suffering. What I mean to say is that I'm supposed to be dead. Once a six ton semi truck hits a 150 pound you, there isn't much room for debate. In fact, there isn't any room at all.

 _Dead on impact._ I bet you anything that phrase is scrawled across my medical chart in some sort of morbid sharpie font. Maybe red pen. That would be pretty dramatic. Not as dramatic as how I must've looked when the EMS got there, but close enough for an undying evil piece of paper.

I wasn't afraid when it came... death that is. I was plenty afraid when the semi decided to say hello. In fact, I had no idea it was possible for the human body to pump that much adrenaline in such a small person at one time. Well… Ok, I did. There's a whole bunch of stuff written about it in psychology journals accompanied with awe-inspiring stories of determined mothers lifting cars off of terrified children. I suppose I meant that I had no idea what it meant to feel it happening. For a bookworm who never went outside unless bribed, that alone really could've killed me. (There's a whole bunch of stuff written about that too, it's called "shock") But that's besides the point.

I suppose I should be getting to that, huh? The entire point. I'm trying not to. Partially because having to say it outloud makes my entire intellectual person cringe, but mostly because it isn't possible. It's not that I don't get it. Even a non-religious person like myself has encountered far to many theories about the afterlife (mostly by proxy). Heaven, hell, reincarnation, possession… whatever. It all equaled the same thing: dead was not dead. Death was something else. It was… the next great adventure.

I could've accepted that. I could have (with a little time and more than a bit of swearing) accepted that my deadness was not actually death. I mean, I was most certainly dead.(Hats off to the semi) And this was certainly not deadness... not that "death" ever had a concrete definition. I had always imagined death as an absence of life, so the feel of the hardwood floor under my feet and my clothes against my skin wasn't helping my denial.

So I _was_ dead. Was. Yay me, poor me and all that. Sympathies all around. And now I'm not. Yay me, in-your-face unbelievers and all that. Glorious. Now. Back to the point. The entire point. The one I don't want to say out loud. The one I've been running away from. The one I _am_ running away from. Rambling and running and running and rambling.

I'm sorry. I blame the insanity. I'm insane. I gotta be. I mean, my brain wasn't exactly the best piece of work when I died, but goddamnit… I was bipolar not schizophrenic! I was prone to odd mood swings and hoards of depression and randomly deciding that someone needed to be hit and just being weird, but not this shit. As screwed up as it was, my reality was _perfectly intact_. A little fractured maybe, but seriously, what the fuck is this shit? What on Earth did I do to deserve waking up in a delusion... like this? And, really, why her of all people? My brain couldn't have come up with something a little more me-friendly? I didn't even like Sakura Haruno growing up!

2

Screw my pride, I screamed.

Not the in-the-movies slasher film scream, not the dead-body-of-my-only-lover-sprawled-out-on-the-floor scream, not even the semi-truck-coming-at-me scream. It was the default what-the-fuck-what-is-this-where-am-I scream. Didn't even hesitate, didn't even have my eyes open all the way. In all seriousness, I blame the pink. My body felt far too heavy and my head felt far too light to understand what was around me or where I was, and there was pink _everywhere._ It had been years since I had been around that much pink, I hadn't even touched the color until I hit my 20th birthday and had officially gone out of my rebel phase. Before that the only obsession I had was when I was 6 or so, and that was all Hello Kitty's fault.

I had never imagined something so simple as a color could feel so foreign. I could only see it partially through my lashes, half blurred in the effort to get my eyes open and clear my fuzzy head, but that didn't stop the feeling of how _wrong_ this was… waking up to a pink ceiling. My body felt heavy. So, so, so heavy, as if someone tied up ropes to my limbs coming from hell and pulled. Something rang in my ears coming dangerously close to the sound of a semis horn and metal on concrete and bone on pavement and there was all this _pink_ and my body was so _heavy_ and my head was so _light_ and goddamnit I screamed.

No fucks given.

There was a moment where I couldn't tell the difference between me screaming at the semi _to please stop please_ and me screaming at my ( _not mine)_ incredibly pink ceiling. It felt as if I was standing instead of laying down, except that I wasn't lying down anymore because my body had sat up _and_ screamed and I felt very, very disorientated. For a second or two the world around me just spun a bit. My arms had braced me into a semi sitting position during my screeching fit, but I didn't know if they were going to stay there. Nothing seemed to be staying still. After a few more seconds the feeling settled, my head going along for the ride for which I was grateful. I didn't like the feeling of weightlessness it had or how hard it was to think. Unfortunately, the universe decided that the feeling had to go _somewhere_ so now my body was light and shaking uncontrollably. Thank you universe. (Note: sarcasm)My arms didn't appreciate the gesture either.

While simultaneously trying to deny my heart's proposal to jump out of my chest and grant my lungs demand for more oxygen (and reassure myself that there was, in fact, no semi truck present in this little room I woke up in), I looked up. And down. And around. _And_ behind.

"... You gotta be kidding me." I had never seen a room so pink before. Fuck pink, aside from a hard core goth, I never seen any room so _any_ color before. _It was everywhere._ 6 year old me and my Hello Kitty obsession had _nothing_ on this. The walls were pink. The curtains were pink. The dresser was pink. _The fucking doorknob was pink._ Who on Earth needs a pink doorknob?

 **Sakura liked pink.**

I was halfway into shaking my head to argue that that was really no excuse and no one really needed that much pink in their lives when I registered who had spoken and froze. The room I was in was obviously a bedroom: small, simply furnished, _horrendously pink_ … not many places to hide. None at all really. It was just me in the Kitty Chamber (as I unconsciously decided to call it).

 **You're not Sakura.**

The lightness in my limbs solidified, tensing the muscles. My eyes ran over every corner of the room. Small, simple, abandoned. The bed I was on was positioned in the corner of room, near a sliding window. I moved to lean over the bed to look through it (hoping that this was _not_ what I thought it was) but I was interrupted.

 **That isn't going to help you.**

Whatever movement I had stopped. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." My resident voice didn't answer, but I still felt like she was a bit smug.

Sadly, disembodied (possibly psychotic)voices were not new to me. No, I _wasn't_ schizophrenic, I was bipolar… just with psychotic tendencies. No one but the doctors cared about the fine print. And maybe the government, but whatever. The point is that this voice was not my voice and I didn't like it.

 _Who are you?_

Even having lived with one for over 7 years, I could never get over how something/someone with no actual body could do the most body-like things like laugh and glare. And roll their eyes.

 **That's the question, isn't it? Go look in the mirror.**

And sound so wholey and utterly _demanding_. I frowned at the wall in front of me not liking the thought. Her and my voice would've gotten along well. Erza was always telling me to do things.

 **Any day now weirdo.**

Oh yeah. They would've gotten along _real_ well. On reflex I made to obey, but stopped as soon as I started. I hadn't noticed it when I moved to the window… but… I held my hands in front of me, curling my fingers and flexing my wrists. They moved like they should've, but they were so _small._ Taking my eyes off my hands and moving towards my feet, I realized that it wasn't my hands that were small… I was. My whole body was small and dainty and _young._

 _How old am I?_

Guessing ages was never my strong suit, but I couldn't have been more than 15. Were you supposed to de-age during death? I remembered only a little bit about the stuff spewed to me about reincarnation, but I was pretty sure you were supposed to start again at the _beginning_ not at 15. My eyes strayed to the mirror across the room. First colors, now household items. Since when where such every day things so daunting?

 **This is going to take forever… Look at your hair.**

Hair? My (small) hands instinctively moved to my head. It was longer than I had it before, but that was fine. I liked it long. It was soft too, well taken care off… I twisted a lock in my fingers bringing it up to my face wondering what was so important-

Pride be damned, I screamed again.

It was pink. My _fucking hair was_ _ **pink.**_ The lock I put in front of my face was Bubble. Gum. Pink.

 _What the fuck is this?!_

I scrambled up from the bed to the daunting mirror missing my longer older limbs. These small ones were so awkward and flimsy. Like chicken legs. Thankfully, the room was small (as I've said) so there wasn't much distance to make. I was prepared to see anything in the Mirror of Doom (as it shall be named): myself as the new life Barbie, a pink sour patch kid, an awful humanoid version of Hello Kitty as punishment for abandoning her when I was 7 (sanity was gone at this point)... anything and everything but what I actually saw.

 _No._

The unnamed Erza stand in started laughing evilly, another on of those human-like things that non-humans can do. I fell harder into denial.

 _NO._

Of course I recognized who was staring back at me. I had to. There seemed to be a law of the universe stating that every emotionally challenged weirdo in the world had to encounter anime at _some_ point in their life, and Naruto was really, really popular. (Even more so when I found out my older brother was into it and I could piss him off by following it to.) And this… this _person_ staring back at me _that shouldn't be_ was one of the main characters.

 _ **NO.**_

The Erza stand in laughed some more. **Yep.** I could've sworn I heard the 'p' pop at the end, tilted with her mirth. **And my name's Inner, not "Erza stand in". Rude.** The disembodied voice frowned at me while I started pinching my cheeks and pulling at my hair. Light pain used to help my center myself when I felt out of my depth (the doctor made sure to give me a clear, detailed, and unbreakable definition of what constituted as "light pain"), but it didn't seem to be helping me much now. Maybe the theory wasn't applicable to delusions and hallucinations.

 **You're not hallucinating.**

 _Says the voice in my head._

I pulled at my hair again, wincing at the pain. Certainly _felt_ real enough… My hands went down the rest of my body pinching and pulling along the way. It didn't feel any different than when I was alive other than the smallness. In fact, it all felt very, very real.

 **I told you.**

I frowned at her, watching it happen in the mirror. _One of the main characteristics of a hallucination is that the patient believes it to be real._ My frown deepened. _It's actually a requirement for delusions._

 **You're impossible.**

 _Leave me alone to my denial._

With growing irritation I had to admit that Sakura was… pretty. Her eyes were greener than I remembered them being in the show, and her hair was admittedly less pink. (A blessing if I ever saw one) Her skin was kinda smooth… and pale. And flawless. I gave a small huff, watching her lips pull apart. They were fuller than the ones I had.

 _My delusion is prettier than I was…_

Not that I ever gave much of a damn on how I looked before (I didn't even own any make-up), but it still hurt. The only thing I seemed to have going for my previous life was my bra-size and that didn't really help me Here (as my delusion will know be known).

 **Will you stop that! You're not hallucinating!**

My (her?) eyes flickered from the mirror to the room to the bed I woke up in and back. Not a hallucination… right. Thankfully the human/non-human interaction went both ways, so I didn't have to voice my disbelief. Just like Er- **Inner!** Inner didn't have to voice her anger.

 **Would you get a grip already?! We have the team selections this morning!**

The head in the mirror tilted to the side a bit, a habit I never really had the chance to get rid of. "Team selections?" Sakura's voice was higher than mine was. That would take some getting used to. Not that I talked a lot.

Part of me cringed at that thought. 'Getting used to' something implied that you've already accepted that it had occurred. If Momma was here to see me even _think_ about accepting something as crazy as this, I would've been in the psychiatric hospital before I could say 'but'. The bigger part of me was trying to remember what the hell 'team selections' were. It had been awhile since I watched the show. All I got was a vague image of Naruto and Sasuke kissing.

 **Y-you…! How dare you! Get that thought out of your head right now! Get it out of OUR head! Sasuke-kun would NEVER kiss that loser! We're the ones who'll get his first kiss! CHA!**

I stared blankly at the mirror. She stared back. Oh dear.

 **Now get dressed! We finally passed the Academy exam, we are FINALLY shinobi, and this morning we are going to be on the same team as Sasuke-kun! Move it Sakura wannabe!**

I stared some more at the mirror. The little bitch staring back was being of _no_ help with my psychotic voice. It was just me.

 **I am not psychotic! And my name is Inner!**

Right. Of course it was. "Ah… Being a shinobi sounds like a lot of work… and suffering… do I have to go…?" Let it not be said that Here deprived me of my core personality. Just the thought of all the exercise that would be involved made me want to stay in the Kitty Chamber forever and ever. If memory serves me correctly, at some point a pervert makes Her (as Mrs. Bubblegum shall now be known) run up and down a tree all day.

 **YES YOU HAVE TO GO!**

The non-human was yelling at me again and the Her was frustratingly absent. My room was pink, I was prettier than I was, flatter than I was, and was stuck in Here… with no way out. Well, no _instant_ way out. Schizophrenics under delusions often come in and out of them on their own if they can, but otherwise they need outside help (hospitalization maybe) to get there. Not that I'm schizophrenic. Or was.

 **R-right! So you can't go anywhere, so why not go to team selections? Play along? It'll be better than here. Sasuke-kun will be there!**

The look I gave the mirror was the one I gave my little brother when he said he wanted an Emu as a pet: amusement mixed with disbelief. For one, her argument sucked. For two, I can't really claim to be the psychology guru (give me a break, I died when I was 22 and it takes a lot of school to become a psychiatrist!) but 'playing along' with Here sounded like a horrible idea.

Though, on the other hand… My eyes swept across the Kitty Chamber trying to mentally calculate how long it would take for the pink to creep me out enough to cave. The estimation wasn't a very long number. My eyes went back to the mirror watching Her face twist into my half-lidded smile.

"Yeah…" It really was a horrible idea. "Why not?"

 **YESSSSSSS! Let's go!**

I would come to regret this.


	2. Chapter 2

3

I didn't even make it out the fucking door before I came to regret my decision. And regret it I did. With the burning fury of a thousand suns. I tried really hard not to groan. Erza was _never_ like this.

 **You can't wear that!**

I could _see_ Inners look of disgust. Leave it to me to wake up with an actual girl for a non-existent companion... I'm never calling Inner "Erza" again. Honestly, I thought I looked fine.

 **What do you mean you look fine?!** I could've painted her pinched face it was so clear. **Your shirt is red!**

It was. After agreeing to our newest adventure (dear lord… when did 'I' become 'we'? If Momma were to ever see this…) I set to the task of getting dressed. The thing was though… those odd little kimono dresses were pretty much the only thing Bubblegum owned. Not for nothing, but as a woman _as a female_ there was something cringe worthy about having two pieces of cloth dangle between your legs. I took one look at it and refused to even try it on. After digging around for a bit (or more than a bit… this girl had more clothes than was humanly necessary _and they were all the same_ ) I defaulted to a t-shirt and the greenish short thingies Bubblegum wore underneath the Flappy Dress. The t-shirt happened to be red, and apparently Inner had a problem with that.

 **You don't even match! Sasuke-kun can't see us like this!**

I gave a small huff. Like I cared. Momma had 19 years to tackle the whole matching-your-clothes thing without any success and I highly doubted the screechy voice in my head would get anywhere anytime soon.

 **My name is Inner!**

Looking myself over in the Mirror of Doom, I thought she was just being touchy. I honestly could've done worse. The shorts were darkish green and the shirt was an equally darkish red, so it wasn't too bad. No odd hues or anything. The sandals were a pleasant surprise. On the show they never struck me as comfortable (with all the unnecessary and slightly hazardous holes going on) but as it turns out these shoes were the most comfortable things I'd ever encountered. It made me sad I didn't have them in my previous life.

 **You are not going out like that!**

I shot the Mirror of Doom an annoyed look only because I had nothing else to aim it at. Inner seemed to be really talented at yelling without an actual body to yell from and that's all she ever seemed to do. Also, this _adventure was HER FUCKING_ _ **IDEA**_.

 _My hair is PINK woman, why does the color of my shirt matter so much to you?_ Inner didn't provide me an answer so much as an indigent sputtering noise. If I was going to turn out to be the most eloquent of the two of us, I could see there being problems in the future. Inner was still sputtering. Offhandedly, I tilted my head at the Mirror. My hair was actually a lot longer than before. Mid-back perhaps? I shook my head feeling it dance across my shoulders. I liked the feeling, but the length would probably start to bother me at some point. Better tie it up.

 **Sasuke-kun can't see us like this!** Aaaaannnd she was back. Yay me.

I made a humming noise in response not really listening. I could tell Sasuke was going to be a popular subject with her and had no idea how to feel about that. While she waxed poetic about how "cool" and "amazing" Sasuke-kun was, I tried to imagine how she was going to react about finding out I was a lesbian Before.

A grin slid onto my face. I was suddenly much more ok with this adventure.

Once my hair was up and all my things were gathered (keys, pointy objects, money, methods of murder) my eyes strayed to the headband. My headband. The Kohona Headband. In my first life it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to understand that the emblem in the center was a leaf and not a slightly tilted bird head… looking at it in person didn't make it much clearer. Picking it up, I held it to my face. It _still_ looked like a bird head. I huffed. Reality wasn't earning any points here. Or rather, reality wasn't earning any points Here. I wasn't sure which one sounded sadder.

 **Are you listening to me Wannabe?** Inner screeched, pulling out of my (not) sulking. **We gotta go or we'll be late! We need to get a seat next to Sasuke-kun!**

Right. Because that was our priority after all, sitting next to 'Sasuke-kun'. I ducked my head to hide my smile. The poor little voice gave me a game and didn't even know it. I almost pitied her. I opened the door slinging the headband across my neck. I was surprised at how it sat there. It felt heavy for a slim piece of metal and a bit of cloth. I paused. Far heavier than it I imagined. It was for a moment that I remembered what a shinobi _was_ and what they were meant to be. That moment held me in the doorway, halfway in, halfway out.

 _I'm not Sakura._

My hands tightened on the doorframe, my earlier mood gone. Would I be expected to be Her? This was her body. It was her hands on the doorframe. Would everyone around me expect me to know the things she knew, and act like she acted? This was a kid's anime (as far as I knew), but it was a kid's anime about a militaristic society who trained their soldiers young. How much was real and how much was pretend? Even in Here… if I acted too oddly, would they chain me up? Would they think I was an enemy? Even if I was crazy and this wasn't real, it _felt_ real. If I got hurt Here it would hurt.

Inner had gone quiet too. Her mood mirrored mine. **You never cared about pain.** It was the quietest thing she'd ever said.

And it was true. I had never really cared about pain. I never cared much about anything really. But I also never did anything to _cause_ me pain.

 **So... why not?** She sounded unsure.

My hands relaxed against the doorframe. Here was such an odd place, melting in between something far too real and something beyond impossible. My senses felt jumbled. I was hearing sounds I remember having read: the birds chirping across the side of the manga column, the hush of the trees strewn on what was the top of the page. The world in front of me felt off.

 _It wasn't real._

But did that matter? I had first hand experience with that particular blurry line. The wonders of the human brain were not always so wonderful and the organ was more than just a little capable making its own reality. Did it ever matter whether this was real or not?

My foot crossed the threshold. That still wasn't a good reason to go. Even if I were to allow Here any sort of relevance, that was no reason to play along to a story I barely remembered. Not a good enough reason to step out of the door.

I felt my lips turning upward and a bit of laughter bubble up in my chest. I could feel my body moving. I could feel the decision being made as if it weren't me deciding. I was really doing this, wasn't I? Playing along. I laughed. And for what?

 _Why not?_

One of the most dangerous phrases in existence in my opinion… right alongside "watch this" and "because I could". Inner grinned at me in my subconscious, no longer unsure. I laughed harder, feeling it settle in my chest as harsh breaths. I _was_ doing this, wasn't I?

Shutting the door behind me, I turned to the village that was (for the moment) my reality. It was larger than life, far larger than a mere graphic novel could depict. The trees towered over me in the distance, still swaying. The Hokage Mountain could've easily dwarfed the most extravagant performing arts center I had ever encountered in my previous life. The people that walked past me were as real _as present_ as my brothers were before. I was just as real.

 **I kept telling you you weren't hallucinating.** Inner said smugly.

I pointedly ignored that comment, grinning like a lunatic. It was really hard to take seriously when it came from a voice in your head, even harder to ignore when you stood where I did. Lord help me if I ever started to believe.

Inner tsked. **I thought you weren't religious?**

 _I'm not… but the phrase does have its uses._ Like appealing to something bigger than you when faced something WAY above your paygrade. Times like this.

She rolled her eyes at me. **Whatever Wannabe.** A grin stretched across her (not) face. **Now let's go!**

My eyes stayed glued to Hokage Mountain as I laughed again. Yeah… because _why not._

 _I went to post and saw I had 4 people like my story... Thank you so very much. It makes me really happy to know there are people who like what I've written._


	3. Chapter 3

4

This. This was why not.

I had come to understand the universe as a petty and bitchy little thing in my previous life, and there was no question as to whether or not that had changed Here. I was stupid enough to challenge it, and it was stubborn enough to answer not even halfway to the Academy.

"Hey Forehead!" Someone yelled behind me.

Turning my head I made a mental note to add those two words to my list of dangerous phrases. I had a feeling I'd be seeing them again. Inner instantly stood at attention in the back of my mind with the girl's approach.

"Ah… Ino." I said softly. I was glad to have remembered her name… names were never really my strong suit Before. Though my remembering of her name may or may not have been because she had gorgeous long hair. I liked long hair.

 **Her hair is not gorgeous!** Inner screeched, pinching her face in anger. My head tilted on reflex. If she could hear my thoughts so clearly, my game would be a lot shorter than I thought. **And ours is better! CHA!**

Ino stopped in front of me, her expression challenging. Right… I remembered. Ino and Sakura had this rival thing going on for Sasuke. Something about true love and all that. I wondered how she would take my stance on the issue. I smiled at bit at the image I got.

 **What the hell Wannabe!? Get that out of our head!**

"Well lookie here. Seems like they're letting anyone graduate the Academy these days if they let your forehead pass through the door." She drawled, bringing her hands to her hips. My eyes strayed a bit. She had rather nice ones. "Going to team selections?"

My eyes went to hers again, head still tilted. "Yeah."

She drew back some, obviously not expecting the response she got. If I remembered correctly, Sakura was one of the more passionate characters in Naruto… she had more fire in her than I did.

Inner snorted, already over her previous disgust. _**Everyone**_ **has more fire in them than you do. Even Shikamaru.** I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take that.

"Well," she said in finality, bringing her hands to her hips in her previous stance, "I am not going to lose to you Forehead." She glared at me for a moment, probably not liking the lack of response I was giving her. Playing along or no, fire really wasn't my thing unless I was in the middle of a mood swing. Besides, this was _way_ more fun. Making a frustrated sound in the back of her throat, she leaned over me until we were inches apart, poking her finger in my chest. "And I'm not letting you have Sasuke-kun either." I could feel her breath on my face.

"Sure." _Dude, you can have him._ "Want to walk the rest of the way together?" I wondered if she'd let me braid her hair when we got there. She had so _much_ of it and it was _oh_ so pretty.

Ino veered back, gaping at me in surprise. Inner tripped over herself in a series of sputtering gasps, choking on air that wasn't even hers. It seems that my game was over… pity… I would've loved for it to last a little bit longer.

 **Y-yo-you're a… a… you- I mean you- you like…?**

"Forehead…" Ino's aggressive stance melted. She looked at me in concern. "Are you feeling ok?"

"I feel fine. Do you not want to?" I looked up between my lashes watching her carefully. She was the first one I had met so far that knew Bubblegum well. I needed to know how willing she would accept the behavioural changes and if they would start ringing any warning bells. You know, the enemy-in-disguise kind of warning bells.

Her face tightened. Not generally a good sign. I waited passively as she fought for the right words, trying to remember to breath. It never mattered anyways. This was my adventure. My decision. It would be ok. Her mouth opened, her spine tightened. Here we go.

"Your just trying to fool me into letting my guard down so you can have Sasuke-kun, aren't you?!" Her face screamed 'fight me'. Mine must've said 'kill me'.

 _Oh for the LOVE OF GOD._ I wasn't doing this for my entire time Here. I refuse. The manga never showed it, but Bubblegum and Ino lived a _few blocks_ from each other. I wasn't even a few streets away from my house when she called my name. If I had to deal with this shit every time I walked out my front door, I was going to kill myself. _Again._

Inner caught on to my train of thought. **Wannabe what are you-** Without hesitation, I reached up grabbing Inos face with my hands, pulling so our eyes were not even an inch apart. Her body jerked at the unexpected movement, but I was stronger than her so she couldn't pull away. For a moment I just stared. Her eyes were a pretty shade of blue. **Wannabe I swear-** "Ino," My voice was soft and calm and cold and _hard_. I was not doing this. Her body stiffened under my fingertips in fear. I didn't want to scare her, but I did want to message to come across clear. **Don't you fucking dare-!** I ignored Inner. She could groan all she wanted. I was in charge here. I locked eyes with Ino silently conveying my seriousness. "You can have him."

 **YOU FUCKING B-** I tuned Inner out. "Eh?" Ino froze completely. She didn't even move when I removed my hands from her face (not that I was complaining, she really did have pretty eyes) or when I poked her shoulder. My head tilted.

 _Did I… break her?_

I frowned in concern, ignoring whatever insults Inner was throwing at me. She hadn't stopped since I "gave up her precious Sasuke-kun" to the "livestock bleach blond" (her words, not mine). I waved a hand in Ino's face. "Ah… Ino?"

Still frozen. My eyes flickered to the sun. In some hail mary testament of faith, all of Bubblegum's knowledge became my own when I woke up (which was how I even knew what direction I was supposed to be going in for the Academy). Some things were expected (i.e. history of Kohona, how to throw pointy objects), some were a bit disturbing (i.e. way way _way_ too much info on one Sasuke Uchiha), and some were a bit odd but surprisingly helpful… like telling time by the position of the sun. We were going to be late.

My eyes flickered back to Ino. It didn't look like she was going to move anytime soon. For a moment I considered leaving here there, but it was my fault she wasn't moving and I was always the type to clean up my own messes. So gently, very very gently, I held onto her sides and started pushing her towards the direction of the Academy. It worked for all of two seconds before she came to a dead stop. I instantly let go, taking note of how rigid she was. One step back. Wait.

I watched her posture noting any changes. Shoulders moved back, spine slightly upward, back slightly loosened. She had relaxed. "You…" Her voice wavered. I waited. "You mean it?"

Her body half turned, watching me in her periphery. I nodded, watching her relax more. "I do not say things I do not mean."

The tension completely vanished from her and she threw me a smile. A tentative one, true, but I would take what I could get. I would take absolutely anything over the Sasuke-God preaching. She turned fully. "Well then we best be going then, because today's the day I'll win Sasuke's heart!" Her body stood with confidence and her voice was bright and light, but I understood this for what it was. A test.

"I suggest hurrying a bit, then. We're almost late." I said.

She gasped, her head whipping to the sun's direction. "Shit! Your right!" Her arm whipped out catching my own in a hard tug. While I was stronger than her, it seems she was faster. That would have to fixed. She started tugging. "Why didn't you tell me earlier Forehead?!"

I went along slightly huffing. This place was making it hard to keep my usual indifference. Everyone Here was so _lively_. "I tried to get you moving, but you stopped." I may have sounded annoyed. Maybe.

"That isn't my fault!" She screeched, tugging harder. We were running at this point. _I never said it was._ "Your the one that spang that on me!" My legs burned. Why the fuck did I agree to this again? _It was for my own self preservation_.

Speaking of self preservation, I was going to have to get better at running _and fast_. By the time we reached the Academy doors I was heaving for breath. I didn't want to imagine how I'd hold up to actual people chasing me. Thankfully for my pride (what little there was) Ino was huffing just as bad. It made for a sight to see her scramble through the classroom doors and plow her way to "her Sasuke-kun" while still gasping for breath.

It was then that Inner came back to life. **Go sit next to Sasuke-kun.**

I tsked. Such a demanding little thing. _No._ I moved to the nearest seat in the back row silently sitting down, a move I had perfected in my previous life. It seems the pink hair hadn't hurt that skill any. That was good.

 **Wannabe-** I blocked Inner voice out mid sentence, another skill I learned in my previous life. _It seems I owe Erza a thank you if I ever hear from her again. Many many thank yous._

Setting my arms on the desk, I sunk down and watched Ino fight with the other girls over the seat next to Sasuke. With a frown and a stab of disappointment, I realized I forgot to ask Ino if I could braid her hair. I sighed unhappily.

"Aw man…"

 _A story is only worth writing if there's someone on the other side waiting for it to be written. Thank you to everyone who thought this was worth waiting for._


	4. Chapter 4

5

Once again, I was painfully reminded why those four little letters stayed on my medical chart. It was so easy to get distracted Here, to get caught up in the moment, that I didn't give my attention much thought. With all these new things to see and only a jumble of senses to work with, I hadn't tried to force myself to pay attention like I did before. I hadn't forced myself to look at the world slowly. I didn't even try to slow down.

Part of me thought I'd earned it. For all this stupidly insane situation was, it was a lot to process. If the sounds were off because I knew them as words, then the people might as well been aliens. There was just something about a face that didn't translate into pictures. Everyone around me felt both old and knew, both known and completely foreign at the same time. As far as attention span goes, I thought it really wasn't that much of a priority.

The other half of me knew better. That was the part of me that had always forced myself to slow down, take a deep breath, and _look_ at what was happening. That was the one to tell me to shut up _sit_ down and _fucking pay attention_. That was the one that thought I truly and utterly deserved this.

"Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake."

I had gotten distracted.

My head hung haphazardly above my arms as I looked down at the teacher that was supposed to be Iruka. The man at the front of the class held a sort of ruggedness about him that never translated into the manga, one that said he was (teacher or no teacher) a shinobi. He still had kind eyes though, and he still wore the same outfit I (semi) remembered. I think the main difference was the scar… how the animators in Naruto managed to make it look so _painless_ was beyond me. The one he held now was enough to make a strong man cringe.

But that wasn't the point.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto jumped up from his seat. He translated pretty well: his hair was still bright and pale, his demeanor was still bubbly and impulsive, his face was still young and innocent… In my previous world he would've made an amazing boy scout. Here he made for a not very convincing ninja. The orange jumpsuit was worse in person. His voice was even louder. Not the most helpful attributes when trying to be an assassin of the night. "Why does a great shinobi like _me_ have to on a team with a slug like _Sasuke_?"

I went conveniently unmentioned.

Inner groaned loudly in the background. I had unblocked her at some point during the team announcements, right after she promised to be a bit quieter. I didn't hold much hope for that promise but I was glad I didn't have to expend the energy to keep the block up anymore. **Of course he didn't mention us.** I blinked at the word "us" but let her continue. **He has, like, the biggest crush on us. He's probably really happy we're on a team together.**

I blinked again, my eyes on his back. I'd never had someone have a crush on me before.

"The teams are built to balance eachother out Naruto." Iruka explained, is eye twitching once or twice. "Sasuke and Sakura got the highest scores on the final exam, and since you got the _lowest_ scores," I could see Naruto flinch slightly "you were put on a team together."

"B-but…"

Iruka's twitching became more methodical. "Sit down you idiot!"

Naruto turned to look at Sasuke. He translated just as well as Naruto did, only he didn't seem like such a badass. His youth was more apparent Here and it was _really_ hard to view a twelve year old as a badass.

 **That's because your old.**

I ignored that comment.

"Don't get in my way… loser." Sasuke hummed, turning away from Naruto. He shifted his weight to his hands on the desk, holding his head on top of them. If Sasuke wanted to make it any more obvious of how irrelevant he saw Naruto, he was going to need a sign.

Naruto immediately bristled ready to yell again.

I watched them both carefully from my perch in the back row. _This…_ I thought with a growing feeling of doom, _was not going to go over very well._ Naruto and Sasuke were very very different people with even stronger contrasting personalities. Even I could see that. Even more so, Sasuke seemed to have a talent for goating people on and Naruto seemed to just _live_ to take the bait. That didn't strike me as a good pick for associates let alone teammates.

Inner hissed. **It's not just them you know, Wannabe. We're on this team too!**

My head fell back into my arms with a groan.

 _You say that like it's a good thing…_

I suppose it could've been a good thing. Personality-wise, I was a good fit for the heathens. I didn't really get angry and I was pretty patient (most of the time). I could (theoretically) reign Naruto in. And since Sasuke wasn't my type and I _really_ wasn't that impressed with him, I could (maybe) keep him down to Earth. My skill set wasn't that big (it was actually really tiny, how did Bubblegum get anywhere with this thing?) so it wasn't very picky. I could, perhaps, mesh well enough with my teammates to make it work.

But that wasn't the point.

I peeked around the top of my fingers to my two teammates. At that moment they were both glaring at each other (or in Sasuke's case I'm-too-cool-to-glare grimacing) too obsessively to pay me any attention. I would've preferred for it to stay like that forever, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. We were on a team now. We were a package deal. I wouldn't be ignored.

My eyes strayed to Naruto.

I had gotten distracted again. I got so caught up in my new reality that I forgot to take a step back and watch it unfold. I was too immersed to slow down. I didn't pay attention.

I looked at Sasuke.

I had forgotten who I was Here. I forgot who She was meant to be. Sakura Haruno was more than just a character. She was one of _the_ characters. She was one of the starting lineup.

I closed my eyes.

But she wasn't Here. For all intents and purposes, I was Sakura Haruno. I had her body and her voice. I had her knowledge. I had her chakra. I woke up in her room and dressed with her clothes. I had her friends… I had her team.

My eyes opened again, training in on Naruto. I gripped my arms more tightly. I had gotten distracted again. A cold feeling built itself inside me, like ice crawling through my veins. My eyes narrowed. I had forgotten that I was on a team with the main character.

 _I am positively giddy. Not only do I have people wanting to read and follow my story, but now I've gotten reviews! Thank you guys so much!_

 _It means so much to me that this is worth reading. Thank you!_


	5. Chapter 5

6

 **So…** Inner's voice may have wavered just a teensy tiny bit from her disbelief and sheer rage. **Main character, huh?**

I was too busy gasping for air to respond. Pushing my back against the doorframe I was leaning on, I cursed this world with every god I knew of for its livelihood. In my previous life, if you wanted to know how a girl felt about you, you bribed your closest friend to ask. If you were a bit brave, you wrote a letter. If you were a badass, you just outwrite asked. You did _not_ use some odd socially acceptable magic to disguise yourself as the girl's publically known crush and _flirt with her._

"That," I huffed, not caring that I was saying it outloud, "Was just wrong."

I should've just stayed in the classroom. I did toy with the idea when Iruka released us for lunch, but the focused (or in Ino's case warpath) looks I was getting convinced me that I hadn't gotten enough sun today. I had also apparently forgotten to _pack_ a lunch but I wasn't too worried about it. There was probably food at home. Probably.

So I went outside. As far as "outside" goes, it was pretty nice. It was really pretty outside and it wasn't too hot. The trees were in the process of blooming so I had a fun time watching the leaves and the occasional petal fall down in the wind. There was even a bench across from a really big one that I could sit on.

It was the people outside that were the problem.

When I heard Sasuke call my name (her name… whatever) I was a little skeptical (because what intelligent person willingly associates with someone who -did- stalk them) but willing to give him a shot. I mean, for all the amount of mood swings I played with Before, I thought even too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke was entitled to one or two. And then he smiled and I was like, _What the fuck?_ And was no longer skeptical. I was suspicious.

And then he spoke.

If there was ever a fastest way to have my entire being go _mayday mayday abort_ _ **mission ABORT MISSION**_ it was to have a Sasuke Uchiha look-alike say he wanted to kiss my forehead.

Not even going to lie… I paled and bolted as fast as her _stupidly non athletic_ body would allow. No words, no explanation, no response. Just abort mission.

Getting my breathing under control, I pushed myself up from the frame peeking in the doorway. The classroom was completely abandoned. No people, no teachers, no heart attack inducing twelve year olds. I sighed. _I should've just stayed in the classroom._

 **That's not the point right now Wannabe! How dare he!** Inner growled. Picking a seat in the back corner again, I gave her the floor. It seemed like the safest option. **To henge like Sasuke-kun and do THAT! I'll kill him for this!**

I hummed in agreement. Not that I had any want or need to kill the little blonde, but I could've done without the cringe worthy Sasuke double. Just the thought of his sorta-seductive smile alone made me nauseous.

 **Did he actually think we'd fall for that?!** She continued, not paying any attention to me. It seemed dearest Inner was on a rant.

I laid my head in my arms again deciding not to try and comment. It didn't look like it was going to get me anywhere. With a sigh, I realized that while Inner's rage rant wasn't aimed for any distinct purpose (let alone accuracy) she was incorrect. We did, in fact, fall for the Henge. While I wasn't really sure about his mental state… I had thought that it was Sasuke.

Closing my eyes, I could see the textbook in front of me explaining what a henge was and how it worked. It was basically a coat of sorts, one you could put over yourself and redesign to make it look how you wanted. The coat had to be put on snuggly, so you couldn't use the jutsu if you couldn't keep your chakra close. It also didn't work if you couldn't move the pieces around carefully enough to make the design you were going for. Breaking it went one of two ways: you could maneuver your opponent until they lacked the control to sustain the jutsu or you could disrupt the jutsu itself using a burst of chakra in between the pieces.

I opened my eyes, offhandedly noting that the other students were coming in again. Sakura had a lot of theoretical knowledge at her fingertips but none of it had any practical backing. She had the entire curriculum memorized _word for word_ but she was unable to recognize when those words were right in front of her. That would have to change too.

 **There he is!** Inner shouted. I pulled myself out of my musings to look where the non-human pointed. Coming through the door was the little blonde himself looking a little sick. His legs were a bit unsteady and his skin was a little paler than before. From my back corner perch I looked him over carefully for any outward signs of injury, but I didn't see any. Maybe he was just getting sick. With a slight frown I also noticed some of the mannerisms that the Sasuke double had showed: right foot over left, weight favored to the right side of the body. If I couldn't recognize a Henge at the moment, then I was going to have to be very familiar with the people around me until I could. **Go kill him Wannabe! Make him feel sorry!**

Naruto looked up at that moment, his eyes meeting mine. He instantly flushed. I watched him war with himself for a minute, trying to decide between taking the plunge and dying of embarrassment. Ino was off to the side snickering, obviously still ticked off with me for getting the same team as Sasuke. It seems like I was going to have to re-enforce my earlier declaration at some point. Sasuke was in the front blatantly ignoring me. I was starting to appreciate that aspect of him.

 _Mmmm… no._

 **No?! What do mean "no"! Why not?!**

 _Don't feel like it._ Inner sputtered.I had already ran twice this morning. I was good.

Drawing himself up, Naruto chose option A and made his way over to me. I was a bit concerned for a moment because it looked like he _was_ going to fall over. He didn't, just wobbled slightly on the third row, but the concern didn't vanish. As he finally approached me, I made a mental note to watch for anymore symptoms of illness while I was around him, just in case. He didn't strike me as the type to _willingly_ go to the doctor.

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned at me, scratching his cheek. His face was still a little pale, but he seemed to be doing alright in terms of energy. If anything, he was practically vibrating with it. "Since we're on the same team, can I sit with you?"

His expression was bright and hopeful, his voice was bubbly and carefree, but his body was set like stone. Completely and utterly resigned. This was a game he knew well even though he refused to give up playing. I could see his past attempts in the back of my mind: he would ask, Sakura would say no, and then in some form or fashion, insult him. The rest of the class too, knew the game and were watching us carefully. They liked to see Naruto get hurt.

I felt a familiar fire fill my chest. Well fuck them. Fuck them and their game and their need to see such a happy person get hurt. Fuck this _obsessive pink haired bubblegum_ _**bitch**_ for giving them a show. If they had nothing else better to do with their lives then _fine._ Have a ball. But I wasn't going to hurt him. I wasn't going to hurt him to make them happy.

I smiled up at him, not missing how he tensed. If I ever encountered the original Bubblegum, I was going to kill her. I was going to string her up by the sheer amount of clothes she owned and drown her in the vast ocean of pink paint _she had to have_ _ **somewhere.**_ She would scream. She would beg. I would make her beg the same amount of times she's made Naruto cry, and then… I'd tell her no. And I'd tell her that Ino would've lasted longer. And then I'd kill her.

 **Uh… Wa…nnabe…?**

I ignored her. "Sure." I answered, calming at the grin that spread across his face. "How was your lunch? Are you excited to be a shinobi now?"

Naruto practically exploded with happiness, plopping down beside me. The entire room fell silent. I met the eyes of every single person in the room as Naruto stumbled over himself practically racing to tell me all about how he beat Sasuke during lunch, daring them to speak. No one did.

 _Inner?_

The non-human stiffened in fear. **Y-Yeah?**

The smile that curled on my lips may or may have not been purely sadistic. _I think I found a new game._

 _I shall have my beautiful readers know that every single time Cas (I named my phone- it's short for condescending ass) tells me I have a new follower or new favorite or new review I grin like an absolute idiot._

 _Thank y'all very very very much!_


	6. Chapter 6

7

The classroom was cast in absolute silence even though it wasn't empty. Iruka had already gone home saying that he needed to go do some paperwork or another, and all of the other teams had already been picked up by their respective fictional character. As the only occupants in (what might've been) the entire fucking building, my team and I had fallen into what might have been called an _absolute silence_. Naruto had ran out of things to talk about an hour ago, much to his dismay (but not mine… Jesus that boy could go on). Sasuke, who had firmly stayed in his section of the classroom the entire time, didn't attempt to contribute to conversation. He didn't do anything really other than peek up at me once or twice with an expression of borderline confusion. I, and all the wisdom I may or may not encompass, encouraged the silence we had going for us and kept my sorry mouth _shut_. So yes, silence and peace. As far as unspoken plans went, it was going pretty well for us all things considered. Or rather: _one_ thing considered.

Predictably, Naruto caved first.

"ARGH!" The table gave a small rattle as he jumped up, hands fisting his hair. It was quite a feat seeing as the table was a part of the chair which in turn was _part of the fucking floor_. "Where is he?!" He shouted.

From beside him, I did my best to smother my own burning rage. _Yes… where indeed?_ It wasn't like I had anywhere to be, but this was ridiculous. To quell my anger I formed a list in my head entitled "People to Make Suffer" and put Kakashi's name on top. Not that I would ever be in a position to make it happen, but the act of forming the list alone made me feel better. Fantasy was a powerful thing.

"Che, calm down dobe." Sasuke muttered from the corner, eyeing the door as if he wanted nothing more than to set it on fire the moment our _lovely_ sensei came through. I made no comment. That was his fantasy.

Naruto turned on him, not understanding. "What do you mean 'calm down'?! We've been here for hours!" _Three hours, 27 minutes and 14 seconds actually…_ I counted. "All the other teams already got picked up, even Iruka-sensei went home!" He shouted, waving his hand at the door. Sasuke scowled… probably didn't need the reminder. Tearing his eyes from the door, he gave me an annoyed look. His eyes strayed to Naruto and then back to mine. The message was clear: fix-it. I promptly gave him a screw-you-Mr-Cool-we-HAVE-been-here-3-fucking-hours back. He blinked. I glared. He was was not amused and glared back harder. I gave zero fucks.

Naruto hadn't noticed our little battle and had made his way over to the front of the classroom. He gave Iruka's space a quick once-over, and then swiftly grabbed a dirty chalk eraser. I abandoned my game as soon as he neared the door.

"Ah… Naruto, what are you doing?" I asked. Dispassionate as I may be, I was a curious little fucker at heart, and well… sadly this was better than silence.

Naruto laughed as he pulled the door slightly apart. "This is what he gets for being late!" With a grace and efficiency that did _not_ sit well with me, he maneuvered the eraser so it sat perfectly wedged between the two sliding doors at above average height.

"Ah… won't that get us into trouble…?" I asked tentatively. This man was supposed to be guarding our lives while we tried to figure out how to properly play soldier, intentionally angering him from the get-go didn't strike me as _smart_.

 **Of course it isn't smart. It's** _ **Naruto**_ **.** Inner sniffed. _**We're**_ **the smart ones.**

 _Right…_ I tried not to wince as Naruto flashed me a grin saying that maybe next time Sensei shouldn't have us wait so long. _How could I forget?_

Sasuke scoffed from the front apparently committing to human interaction. "Like an elite Jonin would ever fall for a trick like _that_."

Naruto immediately bristled, but I cut him off before he could retort. Aggravating silence aside, I _was_ enjoying the lack of bickering. We were really going to have to work with Sasuke on his people skills. And maybe get Naruto an Adderall or two on the way. "He is right Naruto… your trap is a bit _ah_ simple for a Jonin," I said, grappling for a delicate way to describe Naruto's prank. Naruto deflated instantly like a punctured balloon. "But," I watched as he reinflated with just one word. If nothing else, the kid recovers quick. I turned to Sasuke "That doesn't mean it should be discredited."

Sasuke made a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat, shaking his head. When he back looked up at me I was glaring at him. For a second, he just stared at me with that same borderline look as earlier. Then he frowned, twisting his face into a scowl. "You _really_ think it would work?"

A challenge.

I held his eyes evenly, very aware of how much Naruto was watching. I didn't really think it was going to work. The trap was, in fact, an eraser wedged in a door frame, and our sensei was, in fact, an actual ninja. That wasn't the point. Before, if Sasuke had ever challenged Sakura, she would've folded instantly. Even further, there wouldn't have even been a challenge because she'd never pick a fight. And even if she did decide to pick a fight with Sasuke Uchiha of all people, Bubblegum wasn't important enough for the too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke to bother with so there'd be no challenge to meet. This moment, to both Sasuke and Naruto, was a sign that something had changed.

As my teammates, they would have to learn that I was not Sakura.

"I think that the most devastating plans begin as the most simple ones. And I believe the best place to attack the most powerful people is where they feel the most safe. As a foundation, Naruto's plan deserves some credit." I answered, choosing my words carefully. I did not need them fighting again.

Sasuke's eyes widened marginally. Naruto beamed up at me like a puppy, hopping up and down. "Thanks Sakura-chan!" Sasuke opened his mouth to say something (Naruto too) but stopped midway at the sounds of someone coming down the hall. It seemed our sensei had arrived.

 **Hey Wannabe.** Inner said, pulling my attention from the door and my anxious teammates. **Do you actually think it's gonna work?**

I hummed turning my attention back. _No… not really._

A hand curled around the doorframe and pulled, a silver head coming alongside it. The door gave way. The eraser went unnoticed.

 _But I've been wrong before._

PLOP!

Naruto burst out laughing with such force that he had to use Iruka's desk to help him stay upright. Sasuke gave a you-earned-that-smirk, stealthily hiding it behind his hands. I had to use every ounce of control I had to not groan.

The man in the doorway had silver hair (though it was now considerably more white because of the chalk) pale-ish skin (from what little I could see) and a tall frame. He wore what I was now assuming to be the standard I-know-what-I'm-doing-soldier uniform (vest, dark shirt, sandles, plain pants, enough weapons to arm a small militia) and a mask that covered half his face. His headband was tilted over his left eye and, in his hand, was a little orange book (that he was currently stuffing in his militia pouch).

 _Fuck me._

This man was the pervert that was going to make Bubblegum run up and down trees all day at some point.

"Hmm… My first impression of you is…" His voice was low and drawled much like someone who make a girl run up trees for his enjoyment, "You're all idiots."

Naruto and Sasuke facefaulted. I scowled.

"Meet me on the roof."

 _Thank you so much for the reviews! And the following and the favorites and just all the fluff I get from you beautiful people!_

 _Y'all make me so happy_


	7. Chapter 7

_FUCK ME_.

This was it, I thought. This was the proof I needed. This is what made me absolutely certain I was, in fact, _not_ in a death induced delusion made by my own inability to watch _where the fuck I was going_ but was, in fact, in Hell.

The stairs were one thing. If you ever wanted to know just how many it took to get to the roof of the acadamy, the answer is _far far far TOO MANY._ Like, seriously. For just a few floors up it was fucking ridiculous. My legs burned like a bitch. The fact that they burned even more because of my _oh so wonderful_ teamates was just icing on the cake. Naruto and Sasuke were apparantly incapable of civility in _any_ capacity (something that was going to change whether they liked it or not), so the entire way up was a combination of mutual hatred and heavy arrogance and childishness chanelled into a Race. Up. The. Stairs. That alone could have had me question a bit, but nooooo... That combined with this? Oh yes. I knew _exactly_ where I was.

 _Momma was right:_ _God is real._

From the depths of my mind Inner gave me a flat stare. **Calm down Wannabe, it's just introductions.**

I ignored her. Whether or not I curled closer to my corner like an aggravated cat at the word 'introductions' was irrelevant. Really.

From my mind, Inner laughed like a hyena. I grumbled and sulked quietly. I hated social interaction. I hated talking to people to the very core of my being and I hated introducing myself to them even more. At this moment, I could and would rather do literally _anything_ else if it meant I got to escape this torture. Hell, I'd even run. I was that serious about it. And Inner, the extroverted psychotic voice from who-knows-where ( **Hey!** ) had the gall to laugh. Nevermind that _s_ _he_ got to stay inside my head the entire time... lucky bitch.

From beside me Naruto gave me a concerned look. It could've been because I was curled against the stairs hugging my knees like I wanted to become one with the concrete, or because I had an air of absolute horror and resignation smothering everything near me (including him and Sasuke, I could feel Mr. Cool eying me from his other side) screaming 'I'm doomed'. It could've been the vindictive frown that may or may have not covered my face promising absolute retribution for the vioce inside my head. Who knows?

Regardless of reason, I did my best to give him a small (read: _SMALL)_ smile of reassurance. My effort was a rather pathetic one seeing as I wanted to die then and there (hard to believe I was worried about infiltration repercussions just this morning) but he seemed to buy it. He gave me a huge smile and everything (not that he had _stopped_ smiling since I had sat down). He had been so rediculously happy when I chose to sit next to him (something which I had every intention of punishing Bubblegum for should I see her later) that I was pretty sure he'd still be grinning like a lovable idiot even if Hokage-sama came in at this moment and told him eating ramen was illegal. To be fair though, I was happy about our arrangement too.

And, of course, that happiness had everything to do with me purposefully pissing off Inner who had started pestering me to sit next to 'Sasuke-kun' the _minute_ I stepped on the roof and absolutley _nothing_ to do with the fact that it made me last for introductions (otherwise and most commonly known to me and my people as hell). _Really._

 **Rigggghhht. You know you're an awful liar Wannabe.** Inner griped. **And an awful Outer.** **Why didn't you sit next to Sasuke-kun?!**

 _Because I didn't want to._

And I didn't. Me and Sasuke had this let's-ignore-each-other thing going on that I didn't want to mess with. It was almost relaxing. I figured sitting with him might've fucked up the mojo, so I had immediately sat next to Naruto. Doing so had earned me yet another look from too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke on the way there (whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, I had no clue) but he didn't say anything. In fact, he looked rather pleased at the perdicament.

 _You're being dramatic. He's happy with it._

 **DRAMATIC?!** She screeched. Such a high voice for someone with no lungs... **HAPPY??!!**

I skillfully tuned her out before she could properly get started. Resting my head against my arms, I turned to give our lovely sensei a once over. He stood infront of us, leaning against the railing like some kind of drill sargent (which I suppose in a way he was) that had too many shifts to be healthy. Sorta straight, sorta hunched, so very bored, and maybe too tired. Like me during an insomnia binge Before. He watched us with his one eye lazily, like we didn't matter much. Seeing as he was supposed to be our lifeline until we got the whole 'murder-child' thing figured out, his gaze didn't make me feel very good about my chances Here.

Not that they were the best in the first place.

I mentally frowned at that. Seeing as the Acadamy was located over a mile away from my house, you wouldn't think there'd be any shame in getting tired from running there and back, but there was in fact something about getting winded that made me feel utterly pathetic. Maybe it was because I had been horribly sputtering next to such a lovely example of the female species. Or maybe it was because I apparently had some pride buried underneath all my don't-give-a-fuck (who knew?), and the disappointed expression Iruka gave us when we huffed into the classroom kinda ticked me off. Either way, if I was going to survive Here that would have to change. And if that was going to change... I suppressed a shutter at the thought.

Oh, yes. God was real and I was in Hell. It had been proved.

"Alrighty then," The could-be pervert drawled from his perch. "Why don't we get started?"

He looked at each of us in turn sluggishly, as if begging someone to continue so he didn't have to talk anymore. It was something I could relate to. Now if only he could stop looking at us like we were completly completely irrelevant and an entire waste of space, we'd be golden.

 **Wannabe...** Inner groaned.

I didn't even try to respond to her. From the other end of our mismatched line, Sasuke blankly stared. Naruto figited at my side. "What are we supposed to say Sensei?" He asked.

From his other side Sasuke gave him an are-you-stupid look, which I found to be a little unfair. It wasn't the worst question he could've come up with. Naruto seemed to have a gift for procuring stupid questions and most undoubtedly could've pulled something even more ridiculous out of his ass, and there _were_ many ways to introduce one's self (most of them haunted my socially awkward nightmares).

From the railing, the possible pervert gave him the same expression.

 _Rude._

 **For real. We just met the guy! What gives him the right to be so judgy!?**

 _Yes..._ I thought, _what right indeed..._

"Ah, you know... likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams. Stuff like that." He answered lazily.

I shifted on my claimed portion of staircase, getting a bit annoyed. He wasn't even going to try to act like he cared, was he? It's not like I expected him to or that he had to, but he could at least fake it. He was our sensei after all. (Nevermind that our lives were in his hands and he may or may not force me up a tree) I silently huffed. I didn't like it. I didn't like _him_.

 **You're being a hypocrite.**

 _Bite me._

It was hypocritical for me to not like him after just meeting him, yes, and it might've been a little pre-mature and petty to judge the man so quickly, but I've come to understand myself as a very petty person. And if I was to be true to myself and be _properly_ petty to both my dislike of him and my own social misery, he was going to have to join in on the fun.

 **That makes no sense.**

 _Shhhh... Mama's working._

 **... 'Mama'...?**

Looking at him from beneath my lashes, I half raised my hand. "Why don't you go first sensei? Show us how it's done." I asked, sure to use the tone I used when I wanted to exploit my dotting father Before. Small, innocent, sweet... I could've sworn I saw our fearless leader flinch.

 **You're a sadist.**

 _Did I not tell you to shush?_

"After all," I continued, in no way what-so-ever enjoying the suffering look he shot me when Naruto and Sasuke nodded along ( _really_ ) "we don't know anything about you."

Mr. Leader gave me a flat, tired stare, but I didn't give a damn. Now was the time to be petty. He had to join.

 **You're _nuts._**

 _Shush child, the adults are talking._

 **What the _fuck is wrong with you?_**

"Hmm... let's see... My name is Kakashi Hatake, I don't really feel like telling you my likes and dislikes... and don't really have anything like dreams... as for hobbies...? Hm... I have lots of hobbies..." He introduced.

Me and my boys (just when did they become 'my boys'...?) shared a look.

 _Walked right into that one..._ I thought. Naruto looked like he was going to start banging his head against the concrete.

 **I don't like this one.** Inner grumbled. **Just what is he supposed to do for us anyways?**

 _Now who's the hypocrite?_

 **Just die already.**

"Now, blondie. Your turn."

Naruto shot him a glare at the name.

 **If he calls us Pinky we kill him.**

 _Agreed._

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto started, getting over his annoyance and grinning like a lunatic. It was a miracle he didn't break his face in the effort. "I like ramen, Iruka-sensei, and Sakura-chan! My hobbies are sampling different types of ramen and training! I don't like the 3 minutes it takes to make ramen or Sasuke-teme! My dream is to be the greatest Hokage!! Then everybody will have to acknowledge me and treat me like I'm somebody!"

 **Flawed logic.**

 _He's twelve._

 **You're old.**

I scowled into my arm, but didn't reply. I wasn't old. 22 wasn't _old._ And I did _not_ like how chummy Inner was getting with me.

 **Cry me a river, Wannabe.**

"Alright... your turn Mr. Cool."

 _Hey! That was my nickname for him!_

 **Not anymore.**

 _Would you just sit in the corner or something?_

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke began, staring in the distance like some kind of mid-movie production flashback. He looked ridiculous. Inner glared at me. "I have many dislikes, and don't like much of anything." He glanced at me briefly, which I ignored. Nope. Not doing that today. **Wannabe!!!** Inner screached in my head, enraged at my inaction. I ignored her too. It was one of my many talents. "My dream, which I _will_ make a reality, is to restore my clan and kill... a certain someone."

The atmosphere of the roof (which I was previously completely ignoring) turned dark. And me, being the wonderfully intelligent being that I am, decided that this was the time to blurt out the first thing that popped into my head.

"How're are you planning on doing that? You're _twelve_."

Oh the joys of ADHD.

All three heads snapped in my direction. I shrunk into myself, cursing my decision to leave the Hello Kitty Chamber. Fucking hell. Fucking hell _in_ Hell.

 _Inner?_ I asked.

 **Yeah?**

 _Why am I so stupid?_

 **Reasons.** She replied.

 _Ah._ _I see. Thank you._

 **Anytime, Wannabe.**

I wanted to strangle her.

Speaking of strangling, Sasuke looked like he was having a hard time breathing. His face was stuck in what us normal just-as-cool-as-twelve-year-old-should-be people call 'surprise'. Not that he'd know. Kakashi too (except cooler because he was, in fact, older than twelve). With every set of eyes on me and a good 22 years of Before featuring severe social anxiety and panic attacks, I wanted to die. Like, screw the evil-unfairly-over-qualified enemy in my future and just put me out of my misery now. _Please_.

"That's a fairly good point Pinky," Kakashi said, regarding me and then Sasuke. I had half a mind to attempt suicide then and there. Dying once hadn't been so bad. "But one to address for another time. Your turn."

Right. My turn. I shrank further into the stairs.

 _Kill_ _me nowkillmenowkiLLMENOWKILLME-_

"Ah..." I hummed, decidedly not looking at any of them ( _especially_ Mr. Cool) and instead the ground. Such a lovely shade of concrete it was. "My name is Sakura Haruno..." The name was easy enough. So far, so good. Likes now. Did I have any likes? I felt like I was gonna be sick. "I like... sunsets and watching the day fade... the smell after it rains. _.._ and fireflies. I like those." I was _so_ not looking at any of them. There wasn't a dead silence on the roof, nope nope nope. "I dislike ah, exuberance and..." Looks. I was getting looks. I could feel them. I would ignore them. "the sound... of metal on metal. Ringing silence and the taste and smell of iron." The sound of a semi's horn echoed through my ears.

 _I should really stop talking._

 **You really, really should.**

 _No hobbies?_

 **No hobbies.**

"I don't have any hobbies." I say. "My dream...?"

I trail off, not sure where to go with this one. I have no idea if I even _have_ a dream. The only thing I was sure of was that even if I did, it sure as hell _wasn't_ going to be marrying Sasuke Uchiha. Fuck. That.

 **Just make up a goal and put us out of our misery already!** Inner hissed, no doubt hearing my train of thought. Ha. She's miserable too.

 **Wannabe!**

 _Not sorry._

But it was a good idea, I thought. A goal. Something I didn't get to accomplish Before. Something I could work towards. Something to stop the horrid introduction and stop the stares and stop the misery and to just get this over with-

Enter: ADHD.

"My dream is to live past the age 22." I blurt out.

Annnnnnndddd... there I go again. I stubbornly keep my eyes trained on the ground in front of me, ignoring the eyes on me and the silence we sat in like a _Master_. There were lost civilizations with more sound than this roof. The _cure to cancer_ was put under less scrunity than what I was under right now.

 **Outer?** Inner asks.

 _Yeah?_

 **... Why are you like this?**

 _Reasons._ I reply.

It really was such a lovely shade of concrete.

 _Hi guys! Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Like, a long while. Hehehee... enter ADHD?_


	8. Chapter 8

ADHD, as I'd come to understand, did something to time. It twisted and morphed it into a mix of something far, far too fast and something far, far too slow like the color in pulled taffy. Some moments went by too fast for me to track. To understand. I was just a leaf in the wind, and I went wherever I was dragged.

Team introductions went quickly.

The moments after my soul-shredding-personal-hell-induced monologue went faster than I could keep up with. We were going to have another test (color me surprised... Bubblegum shouldn't have passed the first one, so it was a good thing these people had a fucking back up system, but holy hell... _more_ work?). We weren't meant to pass (there was a percentage somewhere in there, I was sure. 55? 76?). We were to be at Training ground 3 'first thing in the morning' (and when, I wondered, was that? 7 a.m.? 6? Did he tell us?). Mr. Cool and Naruto wanted to talk after our wondrous sensei *poofed* away (honest to god **_*poofed*_** , like... like a vapor cloud dissolved the man the moment he put his hands together). And I may or may have not ran away before we could.

See? _Fast._

What I needed, you see, was for this moment to go just as fast.

But _no._

Time had slowed again.

 **He called us Pinky, you know.** Inner commented.

I didn't really respond to her. I'm not sure I _could've_ responded to her, even if I tried. It was really hard to think while one was busy lying on the ground, sputtering like a sick, seizured bird, questioning everything they had ever done in their life.

 _And I_ ** _was questioning evErYTHING_**.

I questioned the Hello Kitty Chamber and its role in my more-than-likely bad karma. I _heavily_ questioned my more than slight impulse control problem which got me into situations I never wanted to be in and it's likelihood of being fixed. I questioned my life Before and how it was lived. I questioned my sanity and _where the hell it went_ _was it even **there in the first place-**_ , I questioned my ridiculous idea to play along to such an awful awful _awful_ delusion and all it embodied, and most recently I questioned (i.e. _cursed in **every way I COULD THINK OF)**_ my inherent inability to say things I do not mean.

Case and point: me getting up at 4 in the morning to do _something_ about this stupidly non-athletic body I was graced with like I said. I. Would.

I started small, like how everyone was supposed to when introducing something foreign to their body. I started _really_ small. A first year academy excercise should be doable, right?

WRONG. _H_ _oly shit_... did I have a lot of work to do. Just 10 laps around the training ground took me an hour! Granted it was a really, really BIG training ground (maybe worth two of my highschool grounds from Before?)... but still... I was supposed to be a ninja, yes? Assasination in the night and all that? How was I supposed to run away from people trying to kill me if normal running took me that long? And just to put salt in the wound (thanks to the _oh so lovely_ memory transfer) I happened to know that it took Sasuke 10 minutes to do the same. 10. Minutes. This was ridiculous. Just how the hell did Bubblegum live to see the end of the series anyways? She could barely do anything!

 **Technically it's _you_ who can't do anything now, Outer. **Inner said, lounging in the back of my throbbing skull. **Just saying. And aren't you listening to me? He called us Pinky.**

The harsh sound that escaped my lungs may have been an insult on another day, but this morning it was the glowing after effects of cardio.

So. Much. Cardio.

This would have to be fixed, I decided. My list for what 'must be fixed', I knew, was getting pretty long but _goddamnit_ this was at the top. And not only was this going to have to be fixed, this would have to be fixed _very very VERY quickly._

First stop on the way home? The Shinobi outlet (which, by the way, _BUBBLEGUM. HAD. NEVER. BEEN. IN. BEFORE. **NE-VER.**_ Like, _what the **fuck** woman? How did you **even pass?**_ ).

 _So...?_

 **So we have to kill him!** She thrilled. My already pounding head did not appreciate the sentiment, and I fought to not get sick on the ground I was lying on. Getting sick while laying on your back was hazardous. **We said we would!**

 _Ye...ah...?_ I weezed back, not really listening. Dear Lord this was pathetic. I couldn't even breathe properly in _my thoughts._ This- This wasn't just 'pathetic'. This was me picturing my second death with picture perfect clarity. It was me _feeling_ the kunai that would be lodged into aorta artery while I tried to run away and _tasting_ the blood that would fill my mouth when I tried to stand and couldn't and _hearing_ wind _rush past my ears asIfell-_

Flopping on my side, I coughed up my non-existant breakfast. My body shuttered.

"Ungh..."

Point one for the sadistic pervert: no breakfast. It was the best idea I'd been presented with in awhile. With a small moan, I mentally thanked my morning (a.k.a. zombiefied) self for listening. Getting sick _sucked._ Laying next to your sickness even more so. Huffing into my curled hands, I flopped myself back a few feet. Oh... my _arms_...

This would be fixed, I decided again, whimpering slightly. I would fix this. Whatever part of that thought that could've been a question anymore had *poofed*. Like a vapor cloud. Like sensei. It wasn't an 'I'm gonna' or 'I should' or 'it's a good idea' anymore. It was a fact. It **_will_** be fixed. I, Ms. Apathy, was now motivated and _goddamnit_ the universe was just going to have to deal with the repercussions.

First stop on the way home -revised- : Find the green jumpsuit guy.

It. Was. Decided.

 _And... just HOW..._ I continued, pleased that the first item on my fix-it list was settled and thinking seemed to be a thing again, _do you plan... on us doing that, huh? Scare him to death with our pinkness?_

Or redness, in this case. While I (for the moment) couldn't run or fight for shit, I was almost positive my face was currently a horrendously ugly shade of red that could frighten any man to death- regardless of how badass. And if I was wrong, it wasn't because my face wasn't deathly frightful, it was because my face wasn't dark enough to be red and was pink. And if _that_ was the case then it was just a shade of washed out red (as all pinks were) and I was still right.

And **_that_** , as far as battle plans regarding the demise of our fearless leader went, was all I had. And oh-dear-lord-that-I-don't-actually-believe-in was it **_pa-thet-ic_**.

Inner took a moment to consider that.

 **We could figure something out** **,** she says with a thrum.

After the disaster that was team assignments and introductions (aka HELL), Inner was a lot more present physically. She didn't speak _more_ , per say, but when she did, it felt like something humming against my temples. It was an odd feeling, like the phantom vibrations people got Before from their phones. Something tangible, but not actually real.

Something not present.

I still wasn't sure if I was ok with it or not.

 _Riiiiiigggggghhht... sure we could._

 **You could figure something out.** She insists. **You're really smart.**

I frowned at the sky, feeling my lungs catch on to the normal in-out-in-out rythem they were doing before I fucked with them. There were only a few clouds in front of me, and the sky had painted itself such a wonderous combination of colors for the new day. In hindsight, this wasn't the morning to begin my new training regimen. Our team exam would begin in a few hours, after all (at least I _think_ it did... now that I think about it, I never _did_ get the time...). And I would no doubtedly be too exhausted to do anything (I was too exhausted to do much of anything _now)_.

On the other hand, I was pretty sure Bubblegum didn't do much in the actual series during the test, so I should be ok.

Should be.

Probably.

 _You're being awfully nice this morning._ I think suspiciously. My arms and legs felt like they'd been electrocuted. I'd never actually been electrocuted before, but I was pretty sure this was what it was like.

Hollow, shuttering, and shaking.

 **Are you saying you couldn't do it?** Somewhere in my equally hollow skull, I could feel her raised eyebrows and lopsided smirk. Turning the question over, I went to work flexing my hands and trying to get feeling back into my poor extremities. She was fucking with me, I decided. I mean, she HAD to be fucking with me.

 _He's supposed to guide us, you know._ I responded, huffing like a hyeana. _Look after us and all that? I'm fairly sure we aren't meant to kill him over a name. Hokage-sama wouldn't be pleased if we tried._

Key word here: 'tried'. The attempt, in whatever alternative delusional universe it may occur in, would most certainly never _get_ anywhere...

 **But you could do it** **.** She presses on. **You could figure something out.**

Frowning further, I fumbled myself into a sitting position, ignoring my screaming muscles like the doctor-hating professional I was. I had started my excercises on Training Ground 3 so I wouldn't have to walk there afterwards, thinking it was a great idea. And it was. Now I was just wondering how the hell I was going to stand up when the others got here.

 _It was just a name Inner._

 **But if you _had_ to, you could figure something out, yes?**

Glancing over at the three stumps jutting out in front of me (something about them pulled at a memory... Naruto tied to the post, Kakashi monolouging about teamwork, Mr. Cool smushed against the ground...), I hummed.

Part of me didn't want to indulge her (I was in enough trouble without harboring semi-tretorious would-be scenarios), but the other part... If I were to casually push aside the psychotic voice's insistence to terminate our teacher we _just got_ (which, for better or for worse I could most certainly do), it _was_ an excellent question.

I mulled it over.

Could I, the physically unfit, mentally unstable kunouchi of the team, figure something out that would kill our sensei, a seasoned jonin with a long enough track record that Hokage-sama would trust him with both Naruto _and_ Sasuke?

Not likely.

Kakashi could...

I shuffled through my blurred memories (which, by the way, seemed to be getting more blurry the more days were added Here. So not helpful.) for what I knew Kakashi could do. The dogs I remembered clearly. I loved dogs. And the lightning blade thing too, I remembered. And the Sharingan (Mr. Cool had that... did have that...? Did he have that yet? _Oh_ fuck me...) He was fast, I knew, and smart like a Nara and could smell like an Inuzuka and... and...

I slumped over and groaned into my hands as my headache started to build. Digging further I found that that was it. That was all I had. There was something about 'white chakra' and 'daddy issues' that floated around in my head for a bit, but it wasn't very solid. Most definitely not something I could safely work with.

 _That isn't a lot._ I thought, grimacing.

A weight settled on my chest, one having nothing to do with cardio. I really... didn't have a lot to work with, did I? I did another quick memory shuffle, expanding my search to what I knew about Here. The effort hurt like a bitch, turning my head into some bastardized version of pain-filled-congo-drums (did they-we... did we even _have_ those Here?). There were images of the Nine-Tailed Fox and other manners of destructive, large creatures (which did not make me feel better), main characters vital to the plot ( _god-fucking-damnit **I was one of them!**_ ) and a whole lot of Naruto pep talking. There was also a vauge notion of the plot until...

The village...

Imploded...?

"...hah."

I laughed quietly into my fingers, watching them jitter.

Oh dear.

 _That_ was not good.

So very not good.

And it wasn't a lot to work with.

 _I_ wasn't a lot to work with.

I was always a work-smarter-not-harder type of person Before. That had not changed. But Here I was missing something very important for that type of mentality: knowledge.

Bubblegum, I had realized relatively quickly, _recalled_ a lot but she didn't _KNOW_ a lot. She knew what made a Henge, but not how to spot one. She knew she was supposed to serve the Hokage like a really nice dictator to all shinobi, but didn't know why. I didn't know anything about what a shinobi did and what their job required beyond doing as Hokage-sama said because that's what Bubblegum saw being a shinobi was: doing as Hokage-sama said. I didn't know anything about the countries surrounding us, what our relations were like with them, or what type of weapons they used because Bubblegum never wanted to know.

She never _questioned_ anything.

Bubblegum, for all her main-character-ness, was a wannabe-cult-leader's wet dream.

And I, the one sitting in the drivers seat of her fucked-up-militaristic-life, _wasn't._

I questioned everything. Anything and everything I could get my hands on. I _planned_ for everything too. I had back-ups for my back-ups and contingency plans for _those_. I dished out trust like it was a bottle of water in the Sahara in the hands of the most self preserved person on the planet and _did not_ like relying on others.

Not like Bubblegum.

At the moment, as far as I knew, things were going well. The village and it's people were nice and there wasn't a TI cell with m-her name on it.

But nice people weren't always nice. Magical-mystical-socially-acceptable-witchcraft aside... I had no garentees Here. If Ino, Sasuke, or even Naruto decided that me being me _and not her_ was an issue, that I was a threat, I would... have to be fixed. And Kakashi, the one in charge of us, would probably be the one to fix it.

He'd be the one to make me disappear.

And if he didn't...

I ran my hands through my hair harshly, feeling the pain relax me slightly. Light pain was allowed. The psychiatrist Before said so.

If he didn't, and they never found out, they weren't the only ones to worry about. Other villages were bound to have thier own Kakashi's: Some badass with a long track record that I may or may not meet as a target or as someone to exploit. And if they decided to go against me... that I wasn't worth the effort, that I would have _to go be gone be fixed_ I would have to fight for my life and I would notnotnot be ready.

Not that I was ready now.

Which, one hitched breath later, of course brought me back to the inital question: could I protect myself from them? Could I, if I had to, kill one of the Kakashi's of the world?

Could I figure something out?

Bubblegum's recollection fluttered infront of me faster than my heart was beating. It felt vital. Intangible. Something I needed _so so sosososo **much**_ but never touched never questioned _couldn'treach-_

I shoved myself to my feet thoughtlessly. I wanted to stop the line of thought _stop the panic building up_ , but I landed with more force than my legs could carry and instantly collapsed backwards. My ass hit the ground. The grass in between my fingers trembled along with my palms, along my fingers, along with _my everything-_

 _Not yet._

One breath. Two.

I pushed myself up again, more slowly this time, mentally cataloging every sensation that went through my limbs as I did.

The pain. Where it was. Where it hurt the most. What it felt like.

In and out.

I archived how my weak arms and legs opperated, from how fast they shaked to how they moved. Where they jerked. Where they gave in.

In. Out.

I noted the way I fell and the way my vision _jerked_ and how my head pounded and how time hadsomehowgotfastagain-

One breath. Two. In. Out.

In and out.

Inhale. Exhale.

My knees hit the ground this time. It stung. I was sure it was bleeding.

Again. In. Out.

Or would be bleeding, soon.

Inhale. Exhale.

It was small.

In.

Shallow.

Out.

It's wasn't serious, or life threatening (for how long, I wonder? How long was it before it became life threatening? How long did I have?).

In.

Fixable.

Out.

It could be fixed.

In.

Would be fixed.

Out.

I pushed on the ground again, feeling time slow around me.

In and out.

I had had panic attacks Before. Many of them.

I knew how to get out of them. Most of the time.

I knew where my attention focused, and what kind of details fell through the cracks.

The fact that Inner hadn't said anything during that entire time _did **not**_ go unnoticed.

\--‐--

 _Okaaaaay, so life is hetic but I shall do my best to keep up with the updates. You know, once the chapter is up to my standards. I do a lot of rewriting._

 _Revising._

 _I get destracted._

 _A special thank you to Angelicsailor_ _for the constant love and support._ _It hasn't gone unnoticed~_


End file.
